Man, I wish that AC:PG had the shirt design system that the DS and City Folk (wii) versions do, because I would design an awesome ass peacoat/scarf ensemble for myself and I CAN’T DO THAT IN POPULATION GROWING AUGH
I have a GameCube and a DSi and that’s it unless I emulate this shit
fuck me i just don’t even know how to do things anymore
i keep thinking “oh, hey, cool, I’m feeling better now” but it keeps being like, a false positive or someting because the next morning I wake up to my alarm and can’t get out of bed or if I do I can’t take a shower or if I do, I can’t go outside until I’m so hungry that I finally break and ask someone if they wanna get something so I don’t go out alone
and I’m just really fucking tired of this like
come ON, Ashby
there’s nothing really wrong with you
you can do these normal people things
you need to go to class and go outside and talk to people and remember that you have friends and have enjoyable times and read books and write papers and eat ice cream and wear scarves
but i can’t bring myself to do any of that, positive or negative
just blogging about how i can’t do this shit feels exhausting and that’s just really sad what the fuck happened to my life
and it’s fun because I’ve lost track of time so terribly that like, I think I’ve missed the deadlines for some projects and papers and like, tomorrow is a midterm
and i’m so unprepared and i have no idea how to prepare and i’m so scared of talking to professors and like, admitting that something is wrong with me and that i’m too inadequate to like, function like a normal person
and i’m so scared that they won’t believe me or will belittle the issue or will just be not at all willing to like, accept “crippling depression to the degree that I couldn’t move for hours” as an excuse
and i hate that it’s even an excuse, like, it’s not a contagious disease or something, i’m not really “sick,” so like, can i get a note saying “Ashby was down with a bad case of depression, please excuse him” or is that just not even a thing
god i’m just so behind and so scared and i have no idea what to do so i freak myself out and i get worked up and i’m afraid of seeing how bad the damage is because i don’t know how i’ll be able to fix it
i just feel so overwhelmed and i’m not even sure who are where or what is supposed to normally help in a situation like this like
is there a “i’m fucking crazy, please fix me and make it so i can go outside again and also help me tell my profs what’s wrong and help me get back on track and help me get new meds and get into therapy sooner and just get my fucking life together before i fall apart” club or hotline or agency on campus because that would be really fucking appreciated
still have half the chem worksheet
gonna go lie down for a bit
setting a bunch of alarms for 6:20 so I can shower and get breakfast
fuck me i am tired
food places don’t open for another hour and 45 minutes
i have one last hamper of clothes to put away
the bulk of the office is clean
i have one worksheet to finish up for chem
and then, laying down for a bit with a ridiculous number of alarms, just in case
breakfast at kcomm
chem at 8:30
and a long fucking day after that
I started playing BioShock again today.
I forgot how awesome the Medical Pavilion was, and how insane Steinmann is and goddamn, this game is flawless.
I also love that like, if you know a bit more about later parts of the game, the game totally rewards you for it. I just heard a girl slicer moan while fantasizing about Sander Cohen and my grin was nearly a mile long, goddamn.
In any case, I have the full top floor cleared (besides Steinmann’s section, I’m saving him for last), and just finished Kure-All, which means I have to go do that really sucky fight in the basement now and it’s gonna BLOW I hated this fight so much the first time bluhh.
it’s my birthday. right now. today. i’m celebrating it RIGHT NOW by doing history homework and cleaning. like all the best birthdays.
and i’ve turned 20. i’m OLD now. it’s so weird.
so, in a desperate attempt to keep my youth immortalized forever on the internet, i became a teenage pop princess. heartthrob. idol.
i sang Justin Bieber’s “Baby.”
watch it. do it.
yep this happened
Ashby CCAD isn’t far at all
Yeah! Although I haven’t rowed in like 2 years but that would be fun! Also, CCAD is so not that far away, I’m actually down at OSU a lot. I went to Mad Mex for dinner on Saturday. Anywho, have a good birfday!
It’s like a whole mile away or something
/I hardly ever leave campus and I have the smallest life oh my god
8:30am lab is going to kill me soon
I want to die my everything is tired
wow hey my arm really fucking hurts
this is an update
i went to the doctor and he gave me this weird band thing to wear and I’m currently freezing it because it has a cold pack in it
after taking it off, wow, that really was helping
because fucking HELL
my arm is on FIRE
Drank a lot of chocolate milk, both because I was thirsty and so I can clear up space in my fridge
Also because Brent isn’t here and I can’t use his powers to try and tax those who use my fridge as storage
(He’s way better at forcing people to give us beer than I am)
(Also I have class tomorrow so beer isn’t a great plan)
(But man, I wish it was a good plan)